Project Runway Season Three: Episode Seven Recap - 8/24/06

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Besides the "Full tilt boogie quilted extravaganza of puff" and "Proud member of the Michael Knight Secret Admiration Society" mugs, I also have a Jeffrey quote on a mug: "I'm entitled to not like you" (remember when he said that to Angela) Plus I have a full tilt boogie mouspad for you.

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In this episode Heidi tells the designers that they will be designing an outfit for the everyday woman. And then she says the models will be coming out.

Only as we see the first model stand behind the scrim, something is different. This model seems......larger than the skinny little waifs who usually come out.

One by one, women emerge from behind the scrim. There are gasps from the designers. Angela's mom is up there! So are Robert's sister, Laura's mom, Jeffrey's mom, Kayne's mom, Vincent's sister, Michael's mom, and Uli's mom. A few of these ladies are slim, but most have a comfortable, "lived in" weight about them. Good! Suddenly this challenge is getting interesting.

Heidi tells them that they will each choose a model to design for, only they can't pick their own mum or sis. Michael chooses Robert's sister; Laura gets Jeff's mom; Vince chooses Uli's mom; Angela chooses Laura's mom; Kayne ends up with Michael's mom; Uli gets Kayne's mom and Robert gets Vincent's sister. That leaves Jeffrey, who ends up with Angela's mother.

He describes the weird cosmic forces that caused this to happen. "I ended up with Angela's mom because God got drunk today."

Jeffrey doesn't like Angela, you see. So Angela's mom is the last person he would have chosen.

Everybody is all teary and happy about seeing their moms and sisters. Uli hasn't seen her mom in years - I think she lives back in Uli's home country of Germany. So emotions are high.

Tim Gunn tells them that they have been invited to a special event hosted by the guest judge for this challenge. He marches the designers and their mums over to Tavern on the Green, where they are met by Michael Kors and his mom, Joan Kors. The two of them look a lot alike. Only, for some inexplicable reason, Joan doesn't seem to have the orange skin tone. Hmm.

Michael Kors' favorite brand of self-tanner

Joan will be the guest judge for the challenge.

They all sit around happily drinking champagne and the moms bring out photos of their kids. We see Michael as a boy, cute as a button. Apparently Jeffrey had braces once but did not emerge from the womb with that neck tattoo.

Kayne, it turns out, was once Supersized.

Kayne in the old days

The chunky little boy in his mom's photos bears little resemblance the slim and sassy Kayne we've come to know and love. Although it might explain his ability to entertain. Fat boys quickly learn the art of survival through comedy. Kayne's weight loss is so dramatic that I'm giving him three Mystic Weight Loss Points.

Laura's mom is a sassy redhead just like her daughter. They sit around shooting the breeze and talking about Laura's five kids. Laura lets out, "Actually, we're working on number six."

Laura's mom is so shocked she is speechless. She gives Laura a look like, "You must be joking." She's not. Apparently Laura just found out since she's been on the show that she's preggers with number six. Her husband doesn't even know yet. That's something she should probably tell him at some point.

Later on Laura says into the camera, "I don't think anybody's really ready for their sixth child. I'll just throw it on a pile with the other ones." I think she's joking.

There's a lot of money to be made once you start reaching the six kids stage. It's just a matter of training them properly. It worked out very well for the Von Trapp children.

"This is bad mommy, and you'd better listen to me. Sing, damnit!"

I'm giving Laura one Mystic Pregnancy point - not because she got pregnant in some mystical way, because I'll bet it happened the old-fashioned way. I'm giving it to her because - c'mon, six freakin' kids????? She's gonna need a lot of help. Since I can't babysit for her (being constitutionally allergic to chillins,) I figure I can at least contribute a Mystic Point.

Back to the workroom, where Tim explains that the outfits the designers are making need to fit the day-to-day lifestyle of the client yet also be fashion forward and reflect their vision as a designer.

They have 30 minutes to consult with their client and sketch, and they will have one day to make the garment.

Vincent likes Uli's mom, who is very European and stylish. She mostly smiles and nods as Vincent describes his ideas, because she doesn't speak a lot of English. But at least they're getting along.

Kayne is psyched about working with Michael's mom. As soon as he saw she was already wearing a brightly-colored outfit and had rhinestones on her shoes, he knew it was kismet.

Angela's mom, Darlene, says she likes dark purples and greens, and maybe they could do a long dress and a jacket? Jeffrey immediately shoots down the jacket idea, claiming he won't have enough time.

Jeffrey pretty much ignores and denigrates Darlene for the rest of the episode. At Mood he can't find any green fabrics he likes, so he adds blue to his dark purple design. Darlene isn't a blue person, though, so this can't be good.

Robert is agonizing over proportion and shape, since Vincent's sister is a bigger gal than he is accustomed to designing for. And she's definitely a lot bigger than Barbie, his usual client. Robert says he's scared.

Robert is haunted by the hippos from Fantasia dancing through his head

(No insult intended towards Vincent's nice sister, who is a lovely lady. I'm just saying that Robert was overwhelmed by the sudden size differential he had to compensate for in his design. And the stress gave him have an inexplicable Disney flashback. That's all. Carry on. Nothing to see here.)

Michael is rocking a cool reversible shirt dress for Robert's sister. The man can do anything. I think we should harness the incredible "can do" powers of Michael and put him to work solving society's problems. After doing such cool designs week after week, surely he can handle minor problems like global warming and world peace. And he could even design his own superhero outfit.

Captain Thunder, who never quite caught on in the DC Comics Universe

The models return to the workroom for more fittings and discussions with their designers. Vincent continues to explain, sweetly and with great respect, what he's doing. Uli's mom mostly smiles and says "Ja." But it does look like Vincent knows how to handle the older female client, because his dress is looking pretty nice.

Tim asks Darlene, Angela's mom, what she thinks of Jeffrey's design so far. She's honest and says she's worried it is looking too matronly, plus, she has never worn blue in her life, and he's making it blue. Jeffrey comes in and immediately acts all paranoid. Obviously, Darlene is setting him up and scheming against him behind his back! He proceeds to be surly and mean to her. I mean, really mean. He says completely rude things like "I don't appreciate your even standing here" and talks about her insecurities, while she says that having specific tastes in color doesn't mean that you're insecure.

He continues to abuse her and she starts crying. What a gent.

"Jeffrey, Jeffrey, pudding pie, designs for the girls and makes them cry."

A contagion of crying breaks out. Angela is understandably upset, since Jeffrey is being an asshole to her mom, and she tells her mom to ignore him. Jeffrey's mom comes over and tries to play peacemaker. She has revealed that Jeffrey has overcome struggles with alcohol - although he says he was actually a junkie living on the streets. So basically, she says to tread lightly with him and let him do his work. Which doesn't excuse his nastiness towards the woman who is supposed to be his client. Way to be an enabler, mom! Guess you two missed your 12 Step program this week.

Jeffrey appears to be carving out a career for himself where you can commission him to design a garment for you, but he will ignore the colors and styling suggestions you make and slap you silly in an abusive way - plus expect you to be grateful for it.

There's probably a market for that. Instead of calling his company Cosa Nostra, he should rename it S & M Designs. Build the abuse right into the label so everybody's clear about what it will be like working with him.

I'm giving Angela two Mystic Points for not taking Jeffrey out with a scissors the minute he went batshit at her mom.

And I'm giving Darlene, Angela's mom, two Mystic Points as well. It's the least I can do. She was such a good sport and didn't even dis Jeffrey on the runway after his bizarre behavior towards her. Now there's a true lady.

Somehow, they get through the rest of the day. It's time for the runway.

The moms and sisters will be doing the catwalk this time, and Kayne's mom is looking forward to it. She says she's going to do it just like the real models do and embarrass Kayne. Actually, her catwalk is just fine and not cartoony at all. Kayne's mom is wearing a pretty printed design from Uli.

Uli's design for Kayne's mom

Many of the designs suffer from the "cover the big lady with a mumu" problem. Kayne's design for Michael's mom is too bulky and doesn't show enough of her fine skin and figure. Robert's design for Vincent's sis is similarly uninspired. These are women, not pack mules, guys! They do have waists and curves and sexiness, just in a different proportion.

What's so sexy about a stick insect, anyway? I've never understood why the classic model's body has to be six feet tall and anorexic. That is not what guys find sexy. Guys like boobs, curves, and girl stuff going on. (Side note: I'm six feet tall, and many years ago I tried to be a model. I was told I had to weigh no more than 125 pounds or I wouldn't be hired. I got down to 130 by starving myself, realized what it was doing to my body, and stopped. Thank God I never became a model for real.)

Laura had originally been going for a cruise ship feeling as she created the design for Jeffrey's mom. But instead, she appears to have Laurified her. Which doesn't look bad. It's just not cruise ship material.

Laura's design for Jeffrey's mom

Darlene, Angela's mom, is a good sport as she models Jeffrey's atrocious dress.

"I will survive!" says Darlene as she recovers from post traumatic Jeffrey disorder

The judges bring out the designers and their models for a chat. Darlene doesn't insult Jeffrey, she just says that there had been some miscommunication between them about what look she was going for. Which is a very optimistic interpretation of the fact that he was a major asshole. Period.

The judges confer privately and agree that Uli's design is great, Michael's is pretty cool, and they all really like Vincent's. He did a chic dress for Uli's mom, whose name is Heidi.

Heidi, Uli's mom, in Vincent's design

I think part of the reason why this dress impressed them so much is that Heidi really worked it on the runway. She's totally got that elegant European thing going on. I want to be Uli's mom when I grow up!

Michael Kors is not a fan of Jeffrey's design. He calls it "Comme des Garcon goes to the Amish country." Which is about right.

Robert is criticized for, yet again, being boring. Although his model, Vincent's sister, really loved the color of the top he designed, so his was a much happier client than Jeffrey's client.

Vincent's sis in Robert's "trying not to be boring" design

Vincent is pronounced the winner of this challenge.

That leaves Angela, Jeffrey, and Robert on the runway. One of them is going home.

Angela had done a weird fringed thing for Laura's mom, but it wasn't as god-awful as Jeffrey's design. She's in for next week.

The judges measure the sin of being boring (Robert's problem) against the sin of being overbearing to your client (Jeffrey's issue.) They decide that it's better to be abusive than to be boring - which isn't much of a surprise, since they kept the abusive Santino all through last season and even allowed him to present at Fashion Week. Even though nobody should go near Santino without self-protective body armor.

But they like insane on Project Runway.

Jeffrey is in, and Robert is out.

Boo boo boo boo!

Another contagious outbreak of crying happens backstage. Nobody wants to see the lovely Robert go. Even Jeffrey is beside himself, crying, because he says Robert is such a nice person. At least Jeffrey can recognize niceness in others. He was pals with sweetie Alison before she got eliminated, and he liked Robert.

Who doesn't like Robert?

I'm giving Robert one last Mystic Point for his nice spirit and wonderful energy. His presence will be missed on the show.

That's it for this week!

If you missed my earlier recaps, you'll find them here:

Articles index

Lipstick Mystic Points Awarded So Far:

Vincent Libretti:      1 Wacky Mystic Point from first week; 3 Mystic Patience Points from second week; sub-total so far: 4 Mystic Points

Alison Kelly:       1 Cute and Kittenish Mystic Point from first week; 1 Enthusiasm Mystic Point from third week; 2 Sweet Ingenue Mystic Point from fourth week; 1 Sweet Moonbeams and Fairy Dreams Point from sixth week: Grand Total: 5 Mystic Points (eliminated)

Robert Best:       2 Funny and Fabulous Mystic Points from first week; 1 Remember You're Fabulous Point from fifth week; 1 You Rock Mystic Point from sixth week; 1 Sweet Soul Point from this week; (eliminated) Grand Total: 5 Mystic Points

Malan Breton:       2 Mysterious and Villainous Mystic Points from first week; 2 Mystic Patience Points (for not killing his evil mother) from second week; sub-total so far: 4 Mystic Points (Eliminated second episode; we'll miss you, Malan!)

Laura Bennett:       1 Cool Mom Mystic Point from first week; 1 Well-Dressed Pup Mystic Point from third week; 2 Taming the Rosette Mystic Point from fourth week; 1 Mystic Pregnancy Point from this week; sub-total so far: 5 Mystic Points

Michael Knight:       1 Fierce Talent Mystic Point from first week; 1 Underappreciated Genius Mystic Point from third week; 2 Taming the Rosette Mystic Points from fourth week; 1 Zen Master Mystic Point and 1 Well-Deserved Recognition Point from fifth week; 1 Mind Over Matter Mystic Point from sixth week; sub-total so far: 7 Mystic Points

Jeffrey Sebelia:       1 Pageants Are Weird Mystic Point from first week; 2 I Finally Get You Mystic Points from fourth week; 1 Villain Point from fifth week; 1 Ugly/Beautiful Mystic Point from sixth week; sub-total so far: 5 Mystic Points

Keith Michael:       1 Model Strategizing Mystic Point from second week; grand total 1 Mystic Point (eliminated fourth episode)

Uli Herzner:       1 Dining Mystic Point from third week; 1 Model Strategizing Mystic Point from third week; 2 Uli Love Mystic Points from sixth week; sub-total 4 Mystic Points

Bradley Baumkirchner: 1 Trust Your Vision Mystic Point from third week; 1 Best Roommate Ever Mystic Point from this week; total 2 Mystic Points (eliminated fifth episode)

Angela Keslar:       1 Dr. Evil Mystic Point from second week; 1 Incomprehensible Aesthetic Mystic Point from third week; 1 Wow You Have Talent Point from fifth week; 2 Mystic Patience Points from this week; sub-total so far: 5 Mystic Points

Darlene, Angela's mom: 2 Mystic Patience Points from this week

Tim Gunn: 2 Adoration and Worship Mystic Points from fourth week

Kara Janx: 1 Viva La Janx, Long Live the Janx Mystic Point from sixth week

Kayne Gillaspie: 3 Mystic Weight Loss Points from this week

New Shop Opened for Runway Gear!

"Full tilt boogie quilted extravaganza of puff"

"Proud member of the Michael Knight Secret Admiration Society"

And more goodies, check them out!

And if you missed out on Season One & Season Two, check out the DVD's:

 Project Runway Season One - The Complete First Season

 Project Runway Season Two - The Complete Second Season