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Project Runway Season Three: Episode Three Recap - 7/27/06

This week's episode could have gone to the dogs. It kind of did, but in a good way.

The designers are told that they will have to get up early the next day to learn about their next challenge, which will involve "designing an outfit inspired by one of fashion's hottest accessories."

What accessory could that be? The designers guess Velcro, a boot, a shoe. Hmm. What are all the fashionistas into? At this point, I'm thinking iPod or Blackberry. Or maybe an eating disorder.

At 6 a.m. the contestants receive a message at their apartments telling them that they need to go to Central Park for more information. Michael Knight explains that it's "As cold as #$%&" out, and Uli naively hopes that when they get there, there will be a nice warm brunch laid out for them. Alas, no brunch is to be found. They had to get up at 6a.m, for God's sake! That deserves some reward.

So here is Uli's belated brunch buffet:

Keep the designers fed, or they'll stop entertaining us!

I'm going to give Uli one Dining Mystic Point. Hopefully, she can cash it in for a tasty meal.

Tim Gunn materalizes like Glenda the Good Witch, only instead of carrying a magic wand, he has thirteen tiny dogs with him. Each is wearing a little jersey with its name on it. Their names include "Pepito," "Pattycake," and "'Lil A," so you can totally tell that these are Paris Hilton type, high end, designer pups.

And they are, I have to admit, excessively cute.

How can so much cute be packed into one small creature?

Tim announces that they must each choose a dog, and they will have to design a piece of women's wear based on the dog, plus a complimentary outfit for the actual dog.

Everybody picks out a dog, and Laura is the only one who doesn't appear to be enthusiastic. She makes a face and says she isn't a dog person. She waits until all the dogs have been chosen and then, rather reluctantly, puts the dog in her handbag "so she doesn't have to touch it." She explains that as a 42 year old mother of five children, she doesn't have the "emotional energy" to care for an animal like that.

One wonders if she uses the same "hands off" approach when it comes to raising her kids. "Ew, you're nose is running today and there's snot all over you, so into the handbag you go!"

Don't make me put you in the handbag!

The designers go back to Parsons and have 30 minutes to come up with a design for both their model and their dog, and the dogs aren't helping any. Robert tries to get his dog to sit still while he takes a digital photo of it, and the fiesty fellow isn't cooperating.

Jeffrey comments that, in choosing dogs, "everybody picked themselves."

This would appear to be true. Keith chose Morgan, a highly bred, long-haired, and refined-looking doggie. Morgan's pretty and he knows it, just like Keith. So they're a good match.

Alison is very excited about her poodle, Pepito, and has come up with a back story about the woman who would carry Pepito. She sees her as this glamorous type who travels the world. She has a clear vision of the funky, girly clothes she would wear. Alison is so bubbly and enthustiastic, she stirs up fond memories of what it's like to be 25, before the weight of the world crushes you. Sigh. I'm giving her one Mystic Enthusiasm Point.

The designers are supposed to come up with a narrative for the fictitious woman who would be wearing their outfits. Robert is resistant because he hates stories. Angela, channeling one of her fully formed yet cleary insane personalities, conceives of a woman who is a British headmistress of a girls' summer art camp in Paris, where the children range from 6 to 12, on the occasion of having a birthday party for the dog Pattycake. The art camp is, of course, called Jubilee Jumble.

Okay.

Everybody gets to work, and Bradley Baumkirchner is having major troubles. He's freaking out about his birthday the next day, and he hates all the designs he's coming up with, so by the end of day one he ditches his design and opts for, well, nothing. Which Keith tries to point out isn't such a good idea. Bradley would rather send nothing down the runway and forfeit the challenge instead of sending down something he hates. Keith points out that he should just throw something together because, whatever he does, it will be better than the "big bag of Skittles" Angela is busy throwing together.

Cue wacky New Age sitar music, and Angela obsessively applying small silk taffeta rosettes in the many colors of the Skittles rainbow.

Keith is right. Bradley should just throw something together. Anything.

Some inverted, Bizarro world Hepburn and Tracy chemistry kicks in between Keith and Laura, where Keith calls her a "bad mommy," in an "I'd like for bad mommy to spank me" way, and she fondly calls him a #$%&head. Keith is acting all aggressive and territorial about the sewing machines, and everybody is generally pissed off at him.

Jeffrey doesn't understand why Bradley is agonizing over his design. He says that it's absolutely no different designing for a dog versus a human.

Well, maybe it's a little different.

One of these things is not like the other

Tim comes around to check out everybody's designs. Katherine is working with the dog Tallulah, and he encourages her to add a hoodie to the plain Jane dress she's working on. She already has a cute hoodie put together for the doggie.

There's a lot of footage of Katherine in this episode. The most interesting thing about her is her chin piercing. How do you take that thing out? Or do you just leave it in there to fester and eventually it becomes part of your face? Is that good for the skin? How can you be certain, after getting one of those things, that you won't look like this in a few years?

Davy Jones as a Poster Child for the Dangers of Facial Piercing

Tim likes Alison's dress and is especially excited about the funky metallic closure she is using on both the woman's dress and the doggie outfit.

Tim warns Angela that she's going "over the top" with her design, but she's like, "Yeah, yeah, don't interupt me when I'm channelling one of my favorite personalities." Angela's design repeats her neverending theme of fug ugly, poofy balloon pants. Enough with the balloon pants, already! If there's a planet where balloon pants belong, please God, don't let it be this one!

Tim warns Keith that he'd better design something for his dog, but Keith whines that his sense of vision won't allow him to do it. The woman that he imagines carrying the dog Morgan wouldn't stoop to dressing Morgan up in stupid doggie clothes. Tim isn't buying it and tells him to get with the program.

Vincent shows his fondnes for hats again by designing a tiny hat for his dog, 'Lil A. At least it looks better than his basket hat from episode one.

Bradley is still letting everything go until the last minute, completely unsettled on a design and bumming out that that his birthday is going to suck because he's going to be eliminated that day.

Design something, you doofus! Angela already has dibs on bottom of the barrel, so you can easily beat her!

The day of the runway, Bradley stalls for time by sending his model down to have her hair and makeup done while he stitches together bits of stuff that's already sitting on his table from before. He whips up a poofy caramel top and a tailored blue skirt, which look 100 times nicer than Angela's "Skittles" ensemble.

Now it's time for the runway. Heidi is dressed in black -- again! She's cute as always, but really, is she in mourning for her life, or what? This is the third episode where she's worn black. This gal has a hit TV show, sexy crooner Seal for a hubby, two cute kids, and another one on the way. What is she moping about?

If Heidi's acting grumpy, come on over and sing to me, baby!

Vera Wang and Nina Garcia are judging again. The new face on the panel is Ivanka Trump, who has apparently ditched the whole modeling thing and is now Vice President of Real Estate Development at the Trump Organization.

The models come down the runway, trailing their overly excited dogs.

Uli's creation is a flowing dress with a gorgeous mishmash of colors and a cute jacket and headband. She and her doggie, Einstein, were clearly sympatico - perhaps because of their shared German heritage.

Other knockouts include Michael Knight's garment, a sleekly tailored tan dress with an open back. I'm giving Michael one Underappreciated Genius Mystic Point. I don't understand why he's not feeling more love from the judges. Everything he makes is hot.

Laura's design also rocked. Her model wore an elegant, tweedy suit dress with brown fringe detailing, and her dog, Sophia, was beyond adorable in her matching fringe collar. I'm giving Laura one Mystic Point for having the best-dressed pup on the runway.

Angela says she's incredibly proud of her garment. "The whole outfit was unlike anything coming down the runway."

Um, yeah, she's right about that.

Let's pretend we're Michael Kors.

"She looks like a reject from the Moulin Rouge auditions!"

"She's a refugee from the X-rated version of the Cirque du Soleil!"

Oh, what's the use. Nobody can duplicate Michael's wit. Michael, it's no fun when you're not sitting on the judging panel!

The judges ask Uli, Katherine, Keith, Alison, and Bradley to stay behind.

Uli's dress is a big hit, and no wonder. It's beautiful. I want to buy Uli's stuff, now!

They're into Alison's narrative for her fashionista, world-travelling characters, and Vera adores the model's punk hairdo.

Surprise - they really like Bradley's last minute poofy top and tailored skirt. Nina even tells him that she could see shooting it for Elle Magazine. You go, Bradley! Happy birthday to you. And I'm giving you one Mystic Trust Your Vision Point.

Katherine tries to blame the sewing machine for the lack of finishing on her dress, but the judges show no sympathy. Heidi sums it up best when she says she finds the dress, "Blah." They liked the hoodie on Katherine's dog, though.

Keith goes into major bullshitting mode about why his dog Morgan didn't have an outfit, saying he spent hours coming up with designs but decided against them. He shows Heidi an apparently invisible sash that he supposedly made for Morgan.

If he's really good at working with invisible fabrics, maybe he can do the interior design for Wonder Woman's plane someday.

"I know that plane's around here somewhere. Where did I park it?"

The judges don't like Keith's arrogant attitude about the dog's outfit, but Nina still found his model's dress "impeccable."

Angela's Skittles outfit fails to impress. Nina hates it so much that she is practically speechless. Heidi takes issue with Angela's backstory. She didn't find it very believable that a woman dressed this way would be hired to run a summer camp for girls aged 6 through 12, with all of that flesh hanging out.

Ivanka says, "She looks like a streetwalker."

I agree. Although this may be the first time in history that a streetwalker opted for crazy balloon pants.

Uli wins the challenge, plus she is granted immunity for next time.

Keith pouts about this. "I didn't win. That doesn't make any sense. There wasn't any good execution on that stage."

Jude Law, sometimes you're so full of yourself. But did the nanny stay with you? No. Have you nailed down anything permanent yet with Sienna? No. So you'd better watch it.

Keith Michael and Jude Law: Both Very Naughty Boys

It's down to Katherine and Angela. One of them will be sent home.

Katherine is out, and Angela is - inexplicably - in.

Huh? What's up with that? So the judges would let Angela's streetwalker character warp the psyches of the poor young girls at the summer camp? Maybe these camps are more common than we think. If Paris Hilton attended one as a young girl, that would explain a lot.

"All of the values I needed in life, I learned at summer camp!"

Okay, I am forced to give Angela one Mystic Point for her incomprehensible aethetic. Because, if past presentations at Fashion Week are any indication, an incomprehensible aesthetic can sometimes take you places.

Is it an episode of Star Trek or Fashion Week?

If these clothes can be given a green light to go down the runway, then Angela Keslar may yet end up with her own show.

And some people really like Skittles.

Yummy candy, and colorful, too!

So that's it for this week. I plan to get some extra rest in preparation for watching next week's episode, because the previews hint that some really stressful stuff is going to be happening. It looks like Tim Gunn will kick somebody off the show because "rules are rules."

Inquiring minds want to know . . .

Will Robert bitchslap Kayne in another quarrel over rhinestones?

Will Keith cross a line asking Laura to become his "Bad mommy?"

Will Angela go on a drunken Jubilee Jumble?

That's it for my recap of episode three. Look for episode four's recap next week!

And if you missed my earlier recaps, you'll find them here:

Articles index

Lipstick Mystic Points Awarded So Far:

Vincent Libretti: 1 Wacky Mystic Point from first week; 3 Mystic Patience Points from second week; sub-total so far: 4 Mystic Points

Alison Kelly: 1 Cute and Kittenish Mystic Point from first week; 1 Enthusiasm Mystic Point from this week; sub-total so far: 2 Mystic Points

Robert Best: 2 Funny and Fabulous Mystic Points from first week

Malan Breton: 2 Mysterious and Villainous Mystic Points from last week; 2 Mystic Patience Points (for not killing his evil mother) from this week; sub-total so far: 4 Mystic Points (Eliminated second episode; we'll miss you, Malan!)

Laura Bennett: 1 Cool Mom Mystic Point from first week; 1 Well-Dressed Pup Mystic Point from this week; sub-total so far: 2 Mystic Points

Michael Knight: 1 Fierce Talent Mystic Point from first week; 1 Underappreciated Genius Mystic Point from this week; sub-total so far: 2 Mystic Points

Jeffrey Sebelia: 1 Pageants Are Weird Mystic Point from first week

Keith Michael: 1 Model Strategizing Mystic Point from second week

Uli Herzner: 1 Dining Mystic Point from this week

Bradley Baumkirchner: 1 Trust Your Vision Mystic Point from this week

Angela Keslar: 1 Dr. Evil Mystic Point from second week; 1 Incomprehensible Aesthetic Mystic Point from this week; sub-total so far: 2 Mystic Points

Note: I've opened a different shop selling a couple of cool Project Runway mugs. These are the new mug slogans:

Full tilt boogie quilted extravaganza of puff (Laura Bennett's famous saying from episode four)