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Project Runway Season Three: Episode Two Recap - 7/20/06

The previews for this second episode of Project Runway hinted that trouble might be brewing between Vincent "Basket Hat" Libretti and wholesome farmer chick Angela Keslar. From these teasers, I was automatically siding with Angela. After all, in the preview Road to the Runway show, Angela presented herself as this nice country girl from a farm in Ohio who "makes clothes like some women make babies."

On second thought, if Angela makes clothes the way Britney Spears makes babies, that can't be good.

(Step away from the Cheetos, Brit!)

Anyway, in Angela's video audition she talked about how even though she "lives off the grid" on a farm in Ohio, people have mistaken at least one of her garments for an "Yves St. Laurent" dress. But Tim Gunn forgot to ask her, "How many people in Ohio know what an Yves St. Laurent dress is? Have they learned to distinguish an Yves St. Laurent dress from, say, a gunnysack?"

Toward the end of the audition process, judging panel Heidi Klum, Nina Garcia, and Michael Kors were looking over portfolios and videos to reduce 40 semifinalists down to just 15. Michael looked at Angela's portfolio and said, "There is a real arts and crafts movement going on out there" as he looked at photos of a grotesque patchwork Raggedy Ann dress thingie that Angela had designed. (It kinda looked like this............)

One wonders where this arts and crafts clothing movement is occurring and what illicit substances those people are on. Sure, Raggedy Ann has spunk and all, and she's the quintessential American doll, but let's face it. Nobody wants to look like her.

In tonight's episode, episode two, Angela chose to highlight her sharp designer sense by proudly showing off the fuchsia balloon pants that she obviously made herself. Angela, honey, maybe you've been living a little TOO "off the grid." These balloon pants look like leftover bottoms from your boyfriend's Renaissance Faire outfit --not a good look for anybody, unless they're working at a Shakespeare Festival.

So there have been certain clues that there is um, a weirdness about Angela. And a stealth vibe of evil, too. You just know that the other designers are thinking, "She's a nice farm girl, and people on farms speak in gentle voices to their chickens and sheep, so we don't have to worry about her." When, in reality, this woman is trained with a pitchfork, and she has no qualms about using it.

Episode two opens with the designers waking up at Atlas Apartments. We assume that they have been given proper bedding after they were required to rip their rooms apart in episode one. At any rate, they look well rested. Angela stands in front of the mirror applying makeup, saying that she was really sad to see Auf'd designer Stacey Estrella go, but "We all have to go sooner or later."

Um, actually, that's not true, Angela. Three designers will eventually be chosen to present real collections at Fashion Week in New York. Didn't you get the Project Runway handbook? So not everybody is going to be eliminated, you doofus.

Unless your designs SUCK...hint, hint, oh clueless patchwork girl.

Heidi Klum comes out and has the designers officially choose which models they'd like to work with, since their models were chosen for them in episode one. Some of the designers choose the girl they've already worked with. Keith Michael chooses Narzi, the gorgeous chick with the anti-gravity hair who helped him win the first challenge. He knows he has this challenge in the bag because all he has to do is let that fabulous natural hair walk down the runway. Nobody will even notice what she's wearing.

Here's Narzi with her gorgeous anti-gravity hair, very handy during spacewalks.

I'm awarding Keith one Mystic Point for making such an excellent model choice. He'll go far with Narzi as his muse.

There isn't a Gumby to be found among these models, but one still has to be eliminated. Eventually, the choices are down to Candace and Toni. Allison chooses Toni, and Candace is out. The models have a group hug backstage. It's a tough business, starving yourself just to make a living. If you ask me, models don't need hugs. They need Ring-Dings.

A box of Ring Dings for all of the hard working models!

Then Heidi announces that the designers will be working with "An icon of American beauty," and I'm thinking, "Please, don't let it be another Hilton. I've had it with those trashy sisters."

Fortunately, it's Tara Conner, this year's Miss USA. She's a cute thing with a bright smile. The designers are going to design her evening gown for the Miss Universe pageant in Los Angeles. Apparently, the evening gown part of the competition will count for one third of Tara's score, so the pressure is on to design a really nice dress that will compliment her figure and turn her into a knockout.

At this point, Kayne Gillaspie is creaming his pants. Kayne is the zany redhead Master of Gowns who co-owns a formal wear and pageant store in Oklahoma. Everybody is aware that he will be offering tough competition on this challenge.

The designers are given 30 minutes to come up with a dress sketch, and then they will be making individual pitches to Tara about their designs. The designers will be partnered up on this challenge.

Angela says she hopes she gets paired with "someone with excellent construction skills."

Um, 'scuse me, shouldn't that be YOU? Like, aren't you supposed to be a designer? Or should we start calling you an "alleged designer" at this point?

It turns out that Angela has never made a gown before. She's too busy making Raggedy Ann and Andy's balloon pants.

I need to take a moment here to mention the excellent idea that fellow Project Runway blogger and jewelry and beading diva Tammy Prowley made at her blog last week. See her Project Runway commentary for last week here. She posed the idea that Tim Gunn should test potential show contestants with a Sewing 101 quiz or something.

That's a superb idea. Because it seems like such an awful waste when really talented and experienced designers are paired with people who woke up the morning of the auditions and decided that they were suddenly designers. (Stacey Estrella from episode one and Marla Duran from season two, if your ears are ringing right now, there's a reason for that.)

These people need to have some basics under their belts, like knowing how to use an industrial sewing machine (so they can actually make stuff during the show) and having some real pattern making skills for different types of garments.

And I personally am tired of these guys who say they only do menswear and have no experience designing for women (Emmett McCarthy from season two and Keith Michael from this season, I'm talking to you.) Don't let your menswear background become a mantra or a copout. There's no need. I mean, Emmett ended up designing some gorgeous stuff, and he's even opened his own store in New York. Emmett McCarthy's EMC Squared Store And Keith won the first challenge this season for making "his very first dress."

Somehow, I think these dudes are lying about never having designed for women. C'mon. 'Fess up. You all made clothes for Barbie when you were growing up. Adult women are just. . .bigger. It's not that hard to design for them.

Okay, back to episode two.

Angela knows that Kayne is the man of the hour, so she keeps nagging him while he's coming up with his design and tries to sell him on how great she'd be as a partner. She's annoying. Kayne can totally see through her and is having none of it. And everybody else in the room is like, "What the hell is she doing? Loser!" If you're a loser, don't advertise the fact to everybody, you know?

Tara listens to each designer pitch his or her design. Laura Bennett pulls the architect card, and Malan Breton says he's into the silhouette of a woman's body. Jeffrey Sebelia tells Tara he wants to showcase Tara's "warrior" side, but he shares a different story with the camera later on. Apparently, he considers pageants "weird territory" because he associates them with "JonBenet Ramsey." And yeah, you have to admit, that was kind of weird.

I'm giving Jeffrey one Mystic Point for totally getting how @%&ed up the whole pageant scene is. Why a grown woman would want to parade around and turn herself into a Barbie doll is a mystery to me.

Keith has the best pitch, but it could have easily turned into the worst pitch. He grabbed the side of Tara's boobs and held them for a really long time, going on about how the top of the dress will be "totally fitted." And then, gazing at her with his Jude Law bedroom eyes, Keith said, "I want to see your legs; your legs are gorgeous." Tara doesn't seem to mind. She likes Jude Law, too.

Keith Michael Jude Law

Separated at birth? You decide.

After all the pitches are over, Tara chooses the following designers to be team leaders - their designs will be used in the challenge: Laura, Malan, Keith, Vincent, Jeffrey, Kayne and Uli.

Tim Gunn draws numbers and each team leader gets to choose a partner. Everybody is praying, "God, don't let me end up with Angela." Laura ends up with Michael; Kayne picks Robert; Jeffrey goes for Allison; Malan goes for Katherine, Uli chooses Bonnie, Keith picks Bradley, and poor Vincent ends up with Angela, whom he calls "Allison" until Angela corrects him.

The designing teams each have a $300 budget and they go shopping for fabrics. Angela is already micromanaging Vincent, giving him the countdown on how many minutes they have left to make their purchases. Vincent is nice yet firm with her, and she still won't shut up. She complains that she's "not inspired by his vision at all." This is to be a recurring theme with Angela.

We, in turn, are not inspired by her balloon pants.

Back in the workroom, people start working, except Vincent isn't letting toxic freako Angela spoil his brainstorming session. She's all whiny and resentful as she sucks down iced tea from a plastic bottle.

We learn a little bit more about Malan Breton. He says that he is self-taught and never went to design school. He mentions how when he was thirteen, he presented a bunch of design sketches to his mother. She responded by telling him, in true Mommie Dearest fashion, that he would never amount to anything and that he should never show her his stuff again. Poor Malan. We didn't realize you had a bitch for a mum. He tears up and talks about how he plans to show her what he's made of. Oh, Malan. You're not an evil show villain at all. You're prickly on the outside but gooey on the inside.

I am giving Malan two Mystic Points for a) making it to adulthood without killing his mother and b) retaining enough confidence to do his own thing, in his own way -- and with style, to boot.

Back in Vincent and Angela land, Vincent has to issue a restraining order "Keep at least three feet away" to Angela, which she ignores.

Tim Gunn comes around and checks in with the designers. He loves Uli and Bonnie's pretty pink flowing dress. He wasn't a fan of the excessive use of ruffles in Kayne and Robert's pink Barbie prom dress. (Obviously, he couldn't see that pink Barbie prom dresses are the perfect choice for a pageant.)

Robert and Kayne have a mock fight about the excessive use of rhinestones, with Robert saying, "She's a beauty queen, not a disco ball." But you totally know that he is having the best time working with Kayne. Besides, disco balls are fun. The world needs more disco balls.

Long live the disco ball! Long live the Dancing Queens!

Tim says Malan and Katherine's brown dress looks like "an extremely heavy log." Uh oh. That doesn't sound good. Generally speaking, pageant princesses don't aspire to look like logs.

Tim is "disappointed" in Vince and Angela's creation, although you can't really call it Angela's, because Vince isn't letting her participate very much. Even so, bitchy Angela says, "As a professional designer, I wouldn't want my name attached to this dress."

Of course you wouldn't. It's a sleek, green vision in loveliness, and you were voting for fuchsia balloon pants.

Throughout it all, Vincent walks through the land mines of micromanaging Angela's ickiness while remaining steadfast about his design vision as team leader and somehow STILL manages to finish the dress, even though Angela is totally sabotaging him.

I'm giving Vincent three Mystic Points. The first is for being mature and not becoming a histrionic Santino, even though he had every provocation. The second point is for remaining true to what emerged as a really pretty dress design. And the third point is for not taking Angela's eyes out with a thimble. I would have. Boink! Boink! Over in a minute.

At one point Keith asks Angela how she's getting along with Vincent, saying that it doesn't look like things are going well. Angela's response? "Well, I don't value your opinion in this situation." Whoa! What was that about, bitchy balloon pants girl? Keith was inviting you to vent about how bad things were going and maybe offer you a pep talk, and you totally cut him down. I ask you, would you do this to Jude Law?

I have to say, since Angela has been such a fabulous villainness throughout episode two, I have to give her at least one Mystic Point. A master is a master, and we must acknowledge this whether she works with the Dark Side of the Force or strives to be more of an Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Who is that behind the mask? Darth or Angela?

After the long and exhausting day, Uli the funky German girl says, "Give me a 'Hay, hay! I'm glad we can go to bed."

I thought the designers' contracts forbid them from making "hay hay," at least during the weeks that they are filming.

Alas, we never find out if anybody gave Uli a "hay hay."

Back in their apartments, the boys who share a room with Vincent are making sure that he is prepared for Angela to shoot him down on the runway. He knows that she'll put a knife in his back the first chance she gets. Like a samurai, he knows that death always travels at his right. Or is it his left?

The next day, the designers put the finishing touches on their gowns and fit their models. They also get their models' hair and makeup done at the Tresomme salon.

In the lead up to the runway presentation, Jeffrey "tattoo neck" Sebelia is psyched about "the beautifully grotesque way that the dress was draped" and we see some brief footage of the bottom part of the dress and, sure enough, he's right. It looks grotesque.

I have to take a moment to ask - what is up with Jeffrey's monster neck tattoo? In closeups you can make out the word "Detroit" on it, but little else. I think that somewhere hidden within the tattoo is carved the mystical name of Valadz. This is the evil alien overlord whom Jeffrey secretly worships with the occasional blood sacrifice. One day Valadz will come for him and they will rule the world together. Until then, all Jeffrey can do is to display his tattoo and hope that awareness of Valadz' magnificence will spread.

But this is just a working theory, mind you.

Anyway, at last - it's runway time!

Heidi shows up wearing a funeral director black dress. Uh oh. I smell doom in the air.

Designer Vera Wang is sitting in for Michael Kors, which is a great idea for this challenge, since she is a gown designing goddess. Nina Garcia sits in as usual, and Tara Conner is also a judge since she will be wearing the winning design in the Miss Universe pageant.

The dresses come down the runway. Jeffrey's dress is doing that grotesque thing. Maybe he thought he was designing for the Adams Family. Do they have pageants? Allison, his poor partner for this challenge, had mentioned that she had some misgivings about it. For good reason.

Keith and Brad's dress is a pretty, flowing, pinkish Grecian thing.

Vincent's dress ends up being a lovely and interesting green creation, despite Angela's complete and utter devotion to its sabotage.

Kayne and Robert show off their pink Barbie rhinestone prom dress, which actually is very cute, in an "I Love the 80's" kind of way. But then, time moves a little slower in Kayne's home state of Oklahoma. And that's cool.

Malan's dress -- created with a little help from Katherine -- looks like a problem. It's clunky and costumey on the runway, and it doesn't help matters that the length is too short by about six inches. Not good. The dress probably would have come together with a bit more time - not to mention a bit more cloth.

Uli and Bonnie present a flowing, feminine dress with a sexy neckline and cut out back.

Laura and Michael show off a simple white dress, form fitting, with a few tasteful sequins. No disco ball here.

Half the designers are sent backstage because their work was judged as being good enough to make it to the next round.

That leaves four pairs of designers left on the runway to be grilled. These are Kayne and Robert; Uli and Bonnie; Vincent and Angela; and Malan and Katherine. The judges are actually pretty nice with all of them. Kayne's pink ruffled thing was a clear favorite, but Uli's flowing pastel piece and Vincent's classic style with his green dress were also singled out.

Malan and Katherine get the worst of it. The judges ask them who should go home? Katherine pulls the "Not me, not me!" card, stating that it wasn't her design idea, anyway. Malan is a gentleman about it and accepts responsibility for the gown's flaws and doesn't contradict her.

The judges also grill Vincent and Angela. Angela tries to pull the "I'm shocked" card when Vincent says she should go home, but she's so whiny and so clearly not a team player, that the judges are very annoyed with her. They aren't buying her bull, even if it is free range bull. And Vincent is matter-of-fact about her lack of help and her poor attitude throughout this design challenge.

The judges make their final choices.....Vincent and Bonnie are in.

Malan is out. Angela is in...but just barely.

In his exit interview, Malan is obviously upset. He says he "felt ashamed" for getting kicked off the show, which he shouldn't be. He did two very nice designs in the first two challenges, and his design in this episode had a lot of potential.

It's that evil Angela who should have been exorcised off the show, not Malan. Apparently, the judges didn't have enough garlic with them to do the trick.

However, as Milan says at the end of his exit interview, "The show must go on."

And so we await episode three. We can only hope it will involve karmic paybacks for Angela.

That's it for my recap of episode two. Look for episode three's recap next week!

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Lipstick Mystic Points Awarded So Far:

Vincent Libretti: 1 Wacky Mystic Point from last week; 3 Mystic Patience Points for this week; sub-total so far: 4 Mystic Points

Alison Kelly: 1 Cute and Kittenish Mystic Point from last week

Robert Best: 2 Funny and Fabulous Mystic Points from last week

Malan Breton: 2 Mysterious and Villainous Mystic Points from last week; 2 Mystic Patience Points (for not killing his evil mother) from this week; sub-total so far: 4 Mystic Points (Eliminated this round; we'll miss you, Malan!)

Laura Bennett: 1 Cool Mom Mystic Point from last week

Michael Knight: 1 Fierce Talent Mystic Point from last week

Jeffrey Sebelia: 1 Pageants Are Weird Mystic Point from this week

Keith Michael: 1 Model Strategizing Mystic Point from this week

Angela Keslar: 1 Dr. Evil Mystic Point from this week

Note: I've opened a different shop selling a couple of cool Project Runway mugs. These are the new mug slogans:

Full tilt boogie quilted extravaganza of puff (Laura Bennett's famous saying from episode four)