Ask the Fortune Chicken

The Fortune Chicken has kindly offered her services to Lipstick Mystic readers. Simply take a moment to meditate upon that burning question you've been dying to ask, click the button to enter the Chicken Coop, and you'll instantly have the Fortune Chicken's attention. She will attune himself to the cosmic portents and offer her sage advice (although she's a bit gun-shy about sage ever since that embarrassing episode during which Mrs. Potter, the farmer's wife, attempted to turn her into Le Poulet Avec Les Herbes. They have since healed over this unfortunate misunderstanding.)

Some people like to criticize chickens as being simple-minded, but they do these fine birds a disservice. Chickens don't divorce and marry three times, taking up with actresses whom they meet on movie sets. They rarely run for political office. When asked to make a guest appearance on CNN's Crossfire or any show on the Fox Network, they steadfastly refuse.

Chickens haven't gone to college and had their heads filled with useless information, so their minds remain uncluttered. Zen-like, gracious, and at all times aligned with the ebb and the flow of the universe, they are blessed with the ability to see straight into the essence of a matter.

Their brains aren't preoccupied trying to remember what year Shakespeare was born or counting how many oxygen atoms are in a molecule of water. They're not wasting energy studying for their SAT's, they refuse to do Step Aerobics, and they don't give a hoot what Paris Hilton is wearing. This leaves more bird brainpower available to respond to your question.

For advice that is clear and to the point, the Fortune Chicken is your true psychic soulmate. What are you waiting for? The Chicken is standing by. Chicken power, activate!

Fortune Chicken Credits: Lipstick Mystic and Buffette Orpington