Dear Lipstick Mystic,

I’ve been to a few psychics. They always freak me out. One woman at the Boardwalk said I’d lose a child in my twenties and meet a guy I loved but could never have late in life. I’m in my 40’s now and gave birth to two healthy children in spite of this woman’s predictions. I’m happily married, too, so I guess that she was wrong. What do you think about the psychics who are out there? How can you find a good one? Is there such a thing? After my limited experiences with them, I can’t say that I’m in a hurry to see one again. - Martha N., Manasquan, NJ

Dear Martha,

I’m so sorry that an irresponsible gypsy type scared you that way! One thing that many people aren’t aware of is that most of the people with neon signs who are your traditional fortune teller types aren’t psychics or, if they are, they save their real psychic abilities for helping immediate family. They don’t use them on Joe or Jill Public. The Romany or gypsy sect forbids psychics born in that tradition to give authentic readings to members of the “gadjo” or the “white man.” They are only supposed to use their talents on loved ones, not strangers.

So most of what you’ll experience with a fortune teller is just hype, bluster, and fear tactics. Many of them use the classic “Your aura is black” line, telling people that for X amount of dollars (usually hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars,) they will remove the curse that has obviously been affecting them for some time. It’s funny how, for them to pray and to light candles for you, it somehow costs hundreds of dollars. In my reality, candles come pretty cheap, and prayer is free!

It sounds like you came across the usual gypsy type who wasn’t a real psychic at all. The best way to find a real psychic is through referrals. Or ask around at a health store. You can also find a holistic health practitioner like a chiropractor, herbalist, or massage therapist to recommend someone. They will usually have a business card in their back pocket belonging to a professional whose talents are real and whose heart is open. Good psychics rarely lack for business and tend to operate quietly, through word of mouth. When I gave readings full-time I didn’t advertise. People found me through friends and friends of friends.

You still have to be careful, though. When you meet with a psychic, make sure that the person is friendly, compassionate, and warm. The more famous psychics can sometimes be bad news. They read for too many people and aren’t really tuned in with a loving energy anymore. A psychic should give you an empowered and happy feeling as you receive guidance from them. Anyone who is scary or intimidating should be avoided, period. You wouldn’t go to a doctor who has a major attitude problem, so why would you trust delicate personal matters with a psychic who doesn’t practice good spiritual hygiene?

I have a real problem with psychics who do not have their heart chakra open and don't express loving empathy when they toss out their perceptions. I'll be honest with you. I've worked at a ton of psychic fairs, known lots of psychics in the holistic healing community, and many of them are this way. They've managed to pop open the third eye, quite often through manipulative magic, but the heart and the crown chakra (seat of higher spiritual wisdom) are still closed.

Even famous psychics who in many ways are good at what they do can suffer from a cold-blooded approach. Maybe it’s a side effect of burnout. I remember watching a well-known medium give readings to audience members on a TV talk show some years back. One man who seemed very sad stood up and said that his mother and his grandmother were both sick, and did she see either of them dying in the near future?

The psychic didn't even pause for a moment to offer any comforting words. She just shot out "Grandmother yes, mother no." And the poor man just sat down without another word. She didn't bother to follow up with any spiritual counseling, telling him how he could help his Grandmum to make a peaceful passage to the higher realms through praying for her. I'll never forget how cold she was with that one man who was obviously very upset.

But please don’t confuse charlatan gypsy types or cold-hearted, fame-seeking prediction makers with the genuine healers who are out there. There are many gifted, insightful, and compassionate psychics working quietly all over the country, and you’ll find them if you aren’t afraid to keep looking!