Will Our Relationship Work Out?

Dear C.,

When I did your tea leaf reading, the image that came up was the spoon, and the leaves were opposite the handle of the cup. The spoon is a symbol that indicates a need for "stirring," or mixing various elements together, in order to be successful. In your situation, you are trying to find the appropriate blend of energies with your honey. So it would make sense that a good "spoon" would be called for!

The position of the leaves gives us some hints about how this may be accomplished. The leaves were opposite the handle of the cup, which means that it's best to relinquish "control" of a situation and just take one day at a time. Give the "spoon" time to do its work. In the meantime, focus on adjusting your own attitude. Sometimes, when a loved one is being critical about the way you show love, you just have to say to yourself, "You know what? I'm a wonderful, passionate person, and this is how I express myself. My honey can either make adjustments and learn to embrace this manner of expression, or he can decide not to be involved with me. But I will always honor and love myself. That point is non-negotiable!"

That's really the important commitment to make - to love yourself, C. Sagittarians are bold, beautiful people, and they do have a strong style of personal expression. But this makes you exciting and fun to be around. You're a dynamic Fire sign, and you can't change who you are. You shouldn't try to change who you are!

You may feel at a disadvantage here in this particular relationship because you are with an older partner, and sometimes older partners exert a lot of authority over their younger partners....often without meaning to. So if you feel a "father" energy coming off of him, where he is expressing disapproval, dare to stand your ground and assert that you are a full-grown woman whose personality is fully formed, and you are not a child, thank you very much. You are who you are, and you mustn't change that for anyone.

Growing pains are normal in any romance during the first year of being together. You may still need to work at communicating effectively with each other in a style you both can feel comfortable with. But I worry about you engaging in too much self-sabotage, thinking that what you are is somehow "bad" or "wrong," constantly second guessing every word and action that you take.

The spoon symbol reminds us that various elements need to gradually blend together, so it may simply take some time for the two of you to find that perfect harmony that you seek. But consider giving yourself a deadline. If things aren't a lot better in, say, another eight months, don't be afraid to leave the relationship. If your partner is doing a number on your self-esteem, being overly critical of core qualities like your personality and your way of expressing affection, then you need to say, "This is me - take it or leave it." Whenever we try to alter ourselves too much to please a partner, it can lead to fatigue, depression, and withdrawal from friends, so if you find yourself experiencing any of these things as you try to please him, then you need to get out of there. Don't let yourself remain in any situation that might be emotionally abusive.

Emotional abuse isn't just someone yelling and screaming at you. The most common form of emotional abuse is someone tripping you up all the time, criticizing things that are already set in your adult personality or "grown-up self" such as appearance, manner of speaking, ways of expressing affection, and your style of social interaction. So if he's going after any of these things and making you feel bad about who you are - run for the hills!

I don't mean to paint an overly negative picture, because the spoon is a very optimistic symbol which indicates a lot of hope. I truly feel that this relationship has a lot of potential. And a year isn't very long to be together, so you are still in the adjustment period with your honey.

I'd just advise you to keep loving yourself and realize that nothing is "wrong" with you. If your honey can't appreciate the wonderful being that you are, then perhaps another soulmate will offer you more joy and lightness of energy up ahead. And you definitely deserve that!

Best wishes for your well-being and your success,

--Lipstick Mystic

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